So you’re finally on a first date that’s going well when it hits you—you’re fucking wasted. And you gotta get out of there before you do something disastrous. Don’t panic! Here are ten foolproof ways leave the date while leaving him wanting more.
1. Emergency Text
Too scared to leave without explanation? Use an old classic and show him you’re dependable with a friend-in-crisis text. Explain that you have to rescue a friend, quickly flashing your phone screen to him so you know you just heard from her. Make sure it’s your texting screen, though, and not the Seamless receipt of the pizza you just ordered to his house.
2. Work Email
Oh no! You just got an email from your boss with a totally pressing deadline. Or at least that’s what he’ll think when you tell him. Sure, it’s insane that you’d have a boss who expects you to answer promptly at 10:14 pm on a Friday night, but that is your job and literal livelihood. Sorry for being so hardworking and professional, but it is time to go. Immediately, before you throw up in his beer.
3. Twist Your Ankle
Guys love clumsy girls, right? Let your drunkenness work for you here, and stage a cute fall, twisting your ankle on the way down. “Ow! I’m adorable and not shitfaced!”
4. Fake Sick
Here’s one that requires fewer acting skills: Tell your date you’re suddenly feeling nauseous because you’re way too turned on by him right now. You need to go lay down and think ONLY about him and you’ll pick this up again when you’re feeling a little better—and for the love of god, keep your shoes on until you’re out of the bar.
Uh oh, you totally forgot you have an appointment! Right now! Feel free to get creative based on what you want him to know about you. If you want to show how responsible you are, tell him it’s a doctor’s appointment. If you wanna spark his sexual interest, just tell him it’s a Brazilian wax appointment. Either way, it’s 10:14 on a Friday night and this is your appointment time! You have to go!!!! Sorry let’s do this again sometimmme <3.
6. Develop an Allergy
Not every allergy has to be bad. Use this fun excuse to your sexy advantage. Example: “Oh my gosh, there is wheat in this pasta!? That makes my tits swell to the size of watermelons! Anyway, got to go get my Epi pen and take off my bra… alone and immediately. BYEEEEEE!”
7. Just Run
Guys love mystery. They’re into fucked up power plays that show them that they’re going to have to do some chasing. Spark your dates’ curiosity with a hot, quick escape. He’ll wonder where you’ve gone, and you’ll just have to wonder how the fuck you’re getting home.
Whatever you choose, he’ll be wishing he had more of you, and you’ll be wishing you had way, way less alcohol.